Fat Girl Diaries: Moldy Canteens


It was mid-August and I really wanted a canteen. Out of the blue. I have no idea why.

But one of those boring canteens? Nahhh, bruh. It had to have that hipster look. You know, kind of that chill look. It would go perfect with my bandanna and it’s not like one of THOSE regular plastic water bottles. No, this was different. This was special. Pretty soon I had all sorts of ideas involving hikes I was not prepared for and fresh spring water. We were in Cabela’s one day and I was telling my dad I wanted one, so he very graciously bought one for me.

And it was frigging awesome. Let me tell you.

Yeah, that was a boring story. . .but points for effort? Yes.

Anyway, I filled up my canteen one day and left it hanging on my doorknob. Like an idiot. And I just left it there. I kept telling myself, “Oh, I’ll get that tomorrow.” But that never happened and eventually it got to the point where I was afraid to look inside because I knew that more than likely there was a serious mold issue. As silly as it sounds, it became this thing that I kept thinking about but never dealing with. I just left it sitting there. So then early-September turned into mid-March and finally, today, I just threw the whole canteen away. I couldn’t even look at it but I did note that when I picked it up, the sound of water sloshing about was. . . well. . .absent. Totally nasty.

There was also a banana in the backpack story, but I won’t go there. But let me tell you, mold is a serious issue.

Most people would ask, “What’s the big issue? Why not just pick it up and throw it out?”

Excellent point. But this was not your average canteen. It was downright metaphorical.

And I’m also a procrastinator. . .and I realized I’d ruined a good thing. . .and I didn’t want to look at my handiwork, okay? I’M A WHIRLWIND OF CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION. YOU COULD ALSO SAY I’M A TORNADO.

I digress.

Weight is a lot like that moldy canteen. It’s been there for awhile, but it’s always been something to deal with later. After my birthday, after Christmas, after graduation. When hell freezes over. Something like that.

And quite frankly, I’ll be darned if I give up my pumpkin spice lattes in the fall. Sorry, figure, but ain’t no way

^Yeah, that had nothing to do with anything so. . .moving on.

Eventually you have to deal with the moldy canteen. Because it can’t stay there forever. It has a long life in the trash to look forward to, just like you have a long life of health and fitness to look forward to.

Truth is? Going on a journey is scary. Because you know walking that path will wreck you–at the end of it, you won’t even recognize yourself. It’s beautiful. It’s emotional. It’s wild. It’s a process.

But hey, you right there? You reading this?

You’re worth every step, dear.

Fat Girl Diaries: A Journey, A Pop Culture Reference, And A Seussian Moment


I’m telling a story. Everyone does it, but most don’t let the words flutter outside to an unknown world. You can see their tales etched into their faces, telling of sunshine and rain and laughter and pain. It’s translated in crow’s feet and leathered skin, life’s journey’s embedded in simple, beautiful expressions. It’s translated in art and music and spilled over onto paper. It’s perfectly framed between two coffee cups, wedged between two whispering souls.

Stories are the cells of life, working and moving towards something greater.

Some are very small and some are very large. Some are very sad and some are very happy. But all are pieces of fabric, woven into the Master’s plan.

And I can’t help but believe that my battle with weight will be used too. Defeat it or not, somehow it matters. I do plan on defeating it, though. Writing is part of my process and I believe that something good will come of writing about my journey–wherever it is that it leads.

The singer, Jessie J, has a song called Masterpiece. In it she says this:

“I still fall on my face sometimes and I,
Can’t color inside the lines ’cause,
I’m perfectly incomplete,
I’m still working on my masterpiece and I,
I wanna hang with the greatest gotta,
Way to go, but it’s worth the wait, no,
You haven’t seen the best of me.”

Whether or not you have an appreciation for a pop culture reference, her message speaks truth.

None of us are where we want to be. We live in a broken world and we’re all fallen. Even when you lose the weight or get the job or get that degree, you’ll still have a slew of other things to work on. Just trust me here.

It all fits together and directs us to where we’re headed.

Because it reminded me of going on a journey. Then again...it is a map... Courtesy of Wikimedia Images--complete attribution in description.

Because it reminded me of going on a journey. Then again…it is a map…
Courtesy of Wikimedia Images–complete attribution in description.

Where am I headed? I have no clue. But I know something is happening. And I’d love for you to join me. I’d love for you to see the process. I have a few things in mind, but please don’t set your heart on anything traditional happening. In the next few posts I’m planning on describing more of the emotions behind obesity along with some things I’m learning. And I’ll also discuss what brought all of this on and what I’m working on–believe me, there’s always a story. Big or small. And each one matters. That is all.

Okay, there’s my Dr. Seuss moment for the day.