I Have A Dream


*sigh*

I have this dream.

It’s a beautiful dream, really.

I dream of running barefoot through fields of thick green grass, the wind in my hair. I dream of sleeping under twinkling stars set in blankets of velvety sky. I dream of no obligations, no responsibilities, no rules. Just me, myself, and I on a grand adventure with no one telling me what to do.

Hey, a girl can dream, right?

Image

(Photo by: Uh…I think it was a wallpaper image?)

^Look at this place! I mean, who WOULDN’T want to be here? Huh?

…other than Eve. She had that, but she wanted that apple (or whatever) more. But as for me and my house…I want the field. With the apple comes the fall and with the fall comes sin nature and with sin nature comes not wanting to do work and with not wanting to do work comes the feeling of being boxed in by rules and responsibilities and obligations. And hyperventilating. Lots of hyperventilating.

Why, Eve, why?

All I want is to sit in a field. And not have schoolwork looming over my head.

Come on, besides the possibility of severe sun poisoning from being outside all day, the possibility of snakes,or the possibility of spiders (and don’t even get me started on hygiene!), you can’t lose. Right? Right.

I just want freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom.

…which, apparently, in my head means a field.

A big fluffy, green, DESERTED field.

But, alas. We’ll get through this. Somehow. Even if we barely survive.

And just so you know, for the first 10,000 years on the new earth ya’ll might not see me. Ever.

Because I’ll be roaming a field somewhere.

Call me Black Beauty.

GET ME OUT OF HERE,

Mandie

Advertisements

For Abby


I just was given a good look at myself. And it isn’t pretty.

I’ve got a heart condition.

One of rebellion, one of stubborn resistance to the will of God. Not in the big things like what college to attend or what to study at college or even where to work. Nope, my issues lie solely in the little things that I don’t think matter.

But you know what? They do.

The homework I don’t think is important, the violin practicing that can wait a day or four, the sleep I don’t think I need, the sister I don’t need to listen to.

They matter. 

The last hour has been a struggle in many ways. I arrived at home and decided to procrastinate for just a little bit. Eating food, taking that unnecessary shower, checking my facebook multiple times, listening to that playlist, finishing up an episode of Dallas. With all the work I knew needed to get accomplished, I sit here ashamed at having to admit this.

But amongst all this, my sister sat with me on the couch chattering away about foreign policy, bathing suits, some guy friends.

And, when I reached the climax of my procrastinating and realized how little time I had left and how much I had to do. . .I sat there hating myself.

But, in my pride, I took it out on my sister.

Dramatic tears flowing down my heartless face, I allowed her to see my distress and even worse, allowed her to stand there and blame herself for talking too much.

Wretched, wretched sinner that I am.

After she left me and went to bed, I sat there still hating myself. Shifting the blame from myself to another had not done one bit of good for me or Abby.

I bawled for a long time.

While I bawled, God pricked my heart a bit and showed me where I was wrong. He even was good enough to send some encouragement when I truly felt all alone.

And He’ll give me the strength to apologize to my sister and move forward, working to get in His will. His will, which is made up of the little things that I so often take for granted. His will, where rest and peace reside.

He was there when I felt alone, helpless, and wretched. I know He was.

Thank You, God.

And now. . .back to that paper.

383707_10200329275619388_778664739_n