Today, I am planning my funeral. Because you never know when I could just keel over.
Especially with this kind of a semester ahead. You just never know.
Yes, I know I’m weird.
But I have a few requests to leave behind in my absence. . .
1. First of all, if for the viewing of. . .uh. . .me. . .we could like make my eyes open, my mouth curved into a smile, and my arms stuck straight out of the casket. . .that would be great. You know, to traumatize small children for life.
2. I want a poison ivy bouquet. You know, because now it won’t be able to affect me. I will win, poison ivy. I will win.
. . .just wear gloves when you pick it.
3. I want everyone to Cha-Cha Slide down the aisle. I’ll be in Heaven acting accordingly!
4. I want to be buried in Clemson pajamas and fuzzy socks. You know, just so I’m comfy. I also want a Snuggie.
. . .and a bull horn, cellphone (charged), shovel, and flashlight. Just in case some moron made a mistake and I’m still alive and kicking. And believe me, if this is the case, I WILL be kicking! So check the pulse. 100 times.
5. So no one has to listen to some boring speech about the life of Mandie, all the eulogy needs to be is “She lived, she died, there will be a buffet lunch served at 2.” <—-Yes, that is from “Mirror, Mirror”. It just made me laugh!
6. . . .there’d better be a buffet lunch.
7. When I’m lowered into the ground, I want “Drop It Like It’s Hot” to be played. No, blared.
. . .thank you, Pinterest for the idea!
8. . . .and I also give you permission to bury me 10 feet down. . .because deep down, I’m good. 😉
. . .and yeah, I know. This is an awful, awful post.
But yet, you’re holding back the laughter. . . . . .O:)
You know you are.